I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
