You really coming over, don't trick.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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