So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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