try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
