Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
