So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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