i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize