i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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