I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize