So drunk its hurt
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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