So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You ate ashes out of my bong
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
