if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
