Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
