You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize