don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
