well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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