She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
