he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize