Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
