I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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