I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize