It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize