After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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