you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
