i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
