Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize