it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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