the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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