she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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