fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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