I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
