I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
