Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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