She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
