So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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