SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
