***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
babies were throwing up all over the place
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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