I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
