we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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