I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
