Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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