I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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