nut hugger
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
