I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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