We're like a lot better than the average bears
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
