walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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