I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
