i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
