hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
