Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize