Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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