also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
