i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
