I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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