Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
