Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
