Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
