How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
