My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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