Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
