fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
