maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
